Don't Step On the Ducks

Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven.

When they get there, St. Peter says, 'We only have one rule here in
heaven: DON'T step on the ducks!'

So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the
place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they
try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on
one.

Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw.

St. Peter chains them together and says, 'Your punishment for stepping
on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!'

The next day, the second woman accidentally steps on a duck and along
comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely
ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the
first woman.

The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for
all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps.

She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St.
Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes
on .... very tall, long eyelashes, muscular, and thin.
St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.

The happy woman says, 'I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to
you for all of eternity?'

The guy says, 'I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!'

Last Gynecologist Visit

A beautiful woman went to the gynecologist. The doctor took one look at
the woman and all his professionalism flew out the window. He
immediately told her to get undressed.

After she disrobed the doctor began to stroke her thigh. While doing so
he asked her,
"Do you know what I am doing?"
"Yes," she replied, "You are checking for abrasions or Dermatological
abnormalities."

"That's right," said the doctor. He then began to fondle her Breasts.
"Do you know what I am doing now?" he asked.
"Yes," she said, "You are checking for lumps which might indicate Breast
cancer."

"Correct," replied the shady doctor. Finally, he mounted his Patient and
started having sexual intercourse with her.
He asked,
"Do you know what I am doing now?"
"Yes," she said,
"You're getting herpes: which is why I came here in the first place."

Navaho's Knows

Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern
Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the
road. As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and
asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride.
With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car. Resuming the
journey, Sally tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo
woman. The old woman just sat silently, looking intently at everything
she saw, studying every little detail, until she noticed a brown bag on
the seat next to Sally.
'What in bag?' asked the old woman.
Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, 'It's a bottle of wine. I
got it for my husband.'
The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or two. Then speaking
with the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said:
'Good trade......'